Really. I promise.
When it comes to chronic illness, a lot of the time people always try to only focus on positivity.
"I don't let diabetes beat me!"
"I won't let diabetes keep me from doing what I love!"
"I'll fight hard every day!"
There's definitely a core of truth to maintaining a positive attitude throughout this disease, but I also find that too often, it comes at the expense of not allowing yourself to feel the bad parts. Because sometimes, acknowledging that you're not okay when it comes to diabetes feels like a huge personal failure. Like you weren't trying hard enough. Like you should have known and done better. Because how can you keep up with being positive if you let the negative interfere?
I want you all to know that it's so very much okay to not be okay. You're allowed to feel frustrated, stressed and tired. You're allowed to be fed up with this shit. You're allowed to curse at diabetes and the ignorance spread about our condition.
We're finite and we're human. This shit wears us down, diabetes is really hard, and that's okay. It would be weird if this stuff didn't negatively impact us.
Don't get caught in the positivity trap, where you only allow yourself to feel positive things because you have to 'or else'. You don't have to be positive all the time. It's super important for us to feel these frustrations and all the other bullshit so we can process them rather than push them aside and bottle them up until they cave in on us. Doing so is known to help prevent burnout and makes for happier, healthier people.
Give yourself the space and time to feel the bad stuff. Be sad, cry, punch things at the gym, go for a long and lonely walk. Yell, play violent games, listen to heavy metal, bitch at friends! Do all these things so you don't get stuck pent up in the background and unable to move forward.
You'll feel so much better if you give yourself permission to feel these things. Take a nap or go to bed for the night afterwards, and when you wake up, reflect and plan.
I managed to drop my finger pricker in the dog's water bowl while testing and...was forced to change the lancet. I mean, I'm already in my 30s, I expected that lancet to last for the rest of my life. Maybe even pass it down to future generations of diabetics. Hold on to what you have and be careful out there.
I've been Type 1 diabetic since 2014 and I have been taking good care of myself, but lately I've been paranoid about diabetic retinopathy. I have genetically high cholesterol and I heard it can impact the eyes, too. So I went to get my eyes checked after two years of no exams (yes, I know, I should do it more often). The results were good, no sign of eye damage in either eye. That's another fear that I can put to rest, at least for a little while, before I get another eye exam in a year or two.